Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.
The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Don’t let your mind wander, Its too little to be let out alone.
Life’s a bitch, if it were easy it’d be a slut.
I’d call you a tool, but even THEY serve a purpose.
Death is life’s way of telling you that you’ve been fired. Suicide is your way to tell life, “you can’t fire me, I Quit!”
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning.